whispering to butterflies

They say if you whisper your wish to a butterfly, it'll fly up to Heaven and make your wish come true. I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

19 | Hawaii | Secondary English Education major | Amateur Photographer

Sweetheart Photography

Litera Scripta Manet

Berkeley/SF Trip

~ Saturday, August 10 ~
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second chances

She watched as the smoke floated into the morning sky, the sun just peeking out from its blanket of night. Smoking was a horrible habit of his; he always started the morning off with one. As much as it bothered her, she grew passive about it over the years despite her aggressive sign. Perhaps it was her way of combatting his stubborn one. 

"When the time comes…"

Maybe it took those years to learn how to be a better person and how to go about things in a better way. Maybe it had to take overreactions and senseless arguments. One thing is for certain, they needed the time to become friends again. 

And they will always need the time to grow into something more. 


~ Monday, July 29 ~
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The rain had stopped for an hour, but the clouds vowed they would return with rain. I saw smoke drifting out of a cigarette in front of me and I instantly knew who it was. 

We sat outside for the duration of two American Spirits. He talked about his mistake of the day, and I listened while I watched the stars twinkle. A few shooting stars blazed past, but I didn’t know what to wish for. I never really do. 

We realize eventually that the past comes back to haunt us. Maybe it’s always there, pushed to the back of our mind until we hope it’s gone before something happens and it’s back again. 

Despite that, there is always room to move forward. It doesn’t happen easily nor quickly, but it does require our perseverance and patience to make it work.  


~ Monday, July 22 ~
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burning memories

I watched as my friend put a flame to the letters, pictures, and cards from his past that he kept in a memory box. Every thing laid neatly in the charcoal grill, open to the night sky. The corner of one letter was lit by his younger brother, and everything quickly burned with the aid of flame fluid. I don’t know if he’s completely liberated from his past pains and memories, but the warmth of the fire assures me that this is a big step. Once you burn the last few reminders of the past, there is no looking back at them. You can’t reach back into the pile of letters or open a box to read the past. All that is left is the present and future. 

Just like that. Years of residual pain and longing burned in one night, in less than five minutes. It’s been a long journey for him, and I hope he ends up where he deserves to be.


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~ Tuesday, June 11 ~
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I tried so hard to be a part 
Of something I’d never fit into.
And when I look into my heart
Maybe I was never meant to.

Originally written in December 2008 and still perfectly describes my feelings towards the same person.


~ Wednesday, June 5 ~
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Bitter Medicine

Loneliness is the bitter medicine
For those that did another wrong.
Its patients are taken on a wild spin
And doomed to sing the saddest song.

But sometimes it is not the case,
and the sinner has no sickness.
The worthy of company left to waste,
And long for light in darkness.


~ Saturday, May 18 ~
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Growing Up

Growing up so quickly has its ups and downs. I’m on my way to being an independent adult, but so often it feels like I’m getting there too fast.

Part of it is completing college on time. It feels so fast; in less that a year I’ll be doing my student teaching. Although I’ve come a long way in my education and experience regarding teaching, sometimes I get the feeling I’m not completely ready. 

Yet that’s the thing, no one is completely ready their first year. No one’s completely ready to grow up and live their own life because there are things we still need to learn, things we won’t learn except from experience. I can ask my dad all the questions about buying a house, or the teachers at school all about teaching in a classroom, but nothing compares to the experience yet to come for me. 

Part of me is still scared to grow up. It is the same part of me that wants to stay in my bed, play video games, watch movies, and read all day every day. It’s the part I listen to on weekends or days I’m not scheduled to work and there’s no school. The part of me that desires teaching and surviving in the world always wins, and there’s really no argument to that.


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~ Friday, February 15 ~
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Asymptote

We are a graph of asymptote lines

coming close but never together.

Odd conversations and unread signs,

even through the rainy weather.

A day of love is still just that,

flowers, friends, fluttery beatings,

Atop the matted grass where two sat

reminising of their first meetings.

It’s all a dream without you there.

The day still stands whether or not

Chocolate candy waits with a bear,

or if a letter sits, full of thought.

So often they say, “Today is the day,”

but let’s go slow, do as we do

Til one of us has the courage to say,

"Who? Well you, I choose you."

———

Well, this was supposed to be posted on Valentine’s Day but I got distracted.


~ Sunday, December 30 ~
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hit0kiri said: hahaha, wow I didn't even see the "know's" :o too much ugly girls in the bg :|

LOL. It was the second thing I noticed after the “your.”


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hit0kiri:

A best friend is apparently also a person who knows you don’t comprehend the correct use of the word “your,” but loves you anyways…

A best friend is also someone who decides not to teach you about the proper use of apostrophes. KNOW CAN’T BE POSSESSIVE (unless it’s a person’s name).

hit0kiri:

A best friend is apparently also a person who knows you don’t comprehend the correct use of the word “your,” but loves you anyways…

A best friend is also someone who decides not to teach you about the proper use of apostrophes. KNOW CAN’T BE POSSESSIVE (unless it’s a person’s name).

(Source: obey-the-aaron)


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reblogged via hit0kiri
~ Saturday, December 29 ~
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2012

I’ll probably do a formal reflection on this past year in a couple days, but at the moment there is one thing I want to focus on. 

2012 was not a great year relationship-wise. The Star Advertiser’s zodiac prediction told me it would be - lies. It isn’t only in the sense of romantic relationships, but also friendships too. However, through everything that has worked against me, I think it has worked to bring me to where I am now (although I don’t quite know where that is).

It has been a long time since I felt the way that I feel now. It isn’t so much the strong feelings for one person, but knowing that the person was a friend first. It is the feeling of happiness, laughter, and timidity. There is the automatic and sincere acceptance of things not working out, but always with the hope that they just might.

A customer asked me if Santa brought me what I wanted this year. Santa didn’t bring me anything this year because my wish is the kind that doesn’t go under the tree. (Of course I didn’t have a tree…although my workplace had, so I suppose it could have been put there instead seeing as the wish is there already.)


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~ Sunday, December 9 ~
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laughter

Real laughter requires a smile, and a smile is always an act of love. 

As of late, I’ve had the gift of so much laughter. There is so much to be thankful for, and so much to love.


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Beginnings and Ends

I don’t think beginnings receive as much recognition as the ends do. The beginning is more modest; it slowly enters until it has been so much a part of your life that it is like it has been there the entire time. 

Take the sunrise and sunset for example. If you have ever been awake early enough to watch the sun rise, there is a slow transition from night to day, the sky slowly lighting up. It isn’t dramatic. It does not scream to be seen; instead it glorifies the sun so that all may feel its presence. They come early, slowly, and we barely notice them.

Sunsets are different. They make a grand show that people stop to look at when they pass. Everyone notices them because the sun that warmed their faces during the day is leaving, and leaving always makes itself known. Once it is gone, you notice its absence.

An odd thing though happened one morning after I thought those thoughts above: a sunrise painted the sky with brilliant hues of golden orange. It made itself known, but kept its modest self. Perhaps this is only a sunrise to others, but for me I hope it is a sign. 

Tags: beginning end sunrise sunset
~ Monday, November 19 ~
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'It seems to me if I were young and in love I should never deem a man of ordinary caliber worthy of my devotion.'
— Mademoiselle Reisz from Kate Chopin’s, The Awakening

~ Tuesday, October 30 ~
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Finding Peace

Over the weekend, I had the chance to sit with my thoughts for what felt like over two hours (I’ll never know, there were no clocks around), and cut the ropes that were keeping me from finding peace. I didn’t have to cut them forever, just for the weekend at least. My thoughts went from a recent event to finally figuring out what, or rather who, the ropes were. It did sadden me to realize it, but I think fully realizing it helped me find some peace after a few tears were shed.

My two friends I made in middle school that I kept through high school

I think that thought could sadden anyone. Yet when I thought back, I realize it was what kept me from finding peace with myself and ultimately peace in general. I used to spend countless days wondering why I couldn’t seem as good as them, or why they always had all these guys chasing after them. And even more recently my summer had stretched me thin while I tried to plan a girl’s night for weeks before giving up completely. My peace was being thrown farther and farther away from me. 

I came to the conclusion a while ago that I don’t want to be like them at all. I’d rather show the world who I am rather than someone the world thinks I am. I’d rather own up to my mistakes to those close to me than cover them up as though they’ve never happened. I’d rather be honest than deceitful, and as honest to people as I am to God. 

In the past year, I’ve only known peace twice. Once during my trip to California and once during my retreat. In both, I left a world behind for a while and found ways to grow and accept myself. I found peace in people who accepted me as I was and who were going to be there to support me through growth. I found peace in people who showed me their imperfections so that I could come to love my own imperfections.

And now I’ve found my peace. After receiving the blessings of so many people who accept me for who I am, and inspire me to grow, I’ve found my peace. I’ve found it in Stacey, Zak, Steph, Andrew, and my entire Awakening family. 


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~ Saturday, October 13 ~
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"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Perks of Being a Wallflower

When I think back on the past three years, I realize I haven’t thought I deserved any better until now. 

It took me three years, but now I know my worth and what I deserve.


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